what i remember of U09 seven months later, part I

"A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered."

-Hyoi from Out of the Silent Planet

i have selective memory, but on the stuff that i choose to remember, i remember them for a long time. urbana 09 is one of them. the conference is long past, but the memories from that season still come to mind, almost every day. months ago when i was in post-conference mode i thought it would be fun to reflect on U09 a while later, if only just to see what i choose to remember. but as i reflect, it is my prayer that others will also remember. what hyoi wisely shares with his human companion in the book is true (oh c.s. lewis, how profound you are!)- what the 16,000 participants learned and were convicted of in st. louis last december is only the beginning. i hope that their experience will continue to grow as they remember and act upon those memories. so here's what i take away from the conference, seven months later.

december 23, 2009

this was the second worst work day, ever (the one that tops this one happened in october, but that's for another time). i go through a cycle whenever i plan conferences. it starts with excitement, especially if i'm fully on board with the vision of the conference. and then as the planning process continues, it slowly builds into a jumble of excitement, pride, frustration, hope and tension. then right before it's time to go onsite, it's pure chaos. it's one of those very rare times when i unknowingly cuss out the most creative profanities, lose a ton of weight from neglect and care more about what people think than how they feel.

12/23/09 was the apex of all the stress that i accumulated during that season. by 2am of the 24th, i'd been working for 15 hours straight and i still wasn't finished prepping the minute by minute binders. kathy, god bless her wonderful soul, was done with her stuff but chose to stay back with me to get those devils printed out and packed up. i remember being delirious by that point. i laughed a lot, mostly because there was no use in crying. it's times like these that makes me feel most alone and helpless. the world is blissfully at sleep and completely oblivious to your epic battle with, say, the laser printer. you know it's petty, and that's exactly why you break down and wonder if any of this will be worth it. i don't know how i would've survived those late hours without kathy there.

i remember finally getting most of the stuff done at around 4:00am, and telling myself that i'll come back later in the day for a couple hours to finish everything up. little did i know that i would actually end up working a lot longer than just a couple hours (i wasn't supposed to come in the office on christmas eve at all). but the thing that really pushed kathy and me over was when we walked out of the office. it had rained earlier in the evening, and then the temperature dipped below freezing. it was the first time i saw my car fully covered in ice, like a stained glass sculpture. we were out there for another 30 minutes scraping off the ice before we were finally able to drive home. i remember driving home at like 15 mph on the icy roads, while having morosely responsible thoughts like, 'wouldn't it be tragically ironic if i got into an accident right now and couldn't make it to st. louis? hey, at least i got the minute by minutes done!'

i remember finally crawling onto my bed that night, exhausted, wondering how i was going to muster up enough energy to pack, let alone last through the conference. and that's how my urbana week began.