leaving in 4 days

this trip will be one of many firsts for me. first time traveling overseas alone. first conference overseas. first time in south africa. first time working on a conference that's 10 days looooong. right now, i feel similar to how i felt before i left for WI to work on urbana 09- a combination of peace and purpose and faith that God has carved a unique space for me to contribute and receive at the Congress. it's a combination that i feel with my gut, if that makes any sense.

despite that godly combination of conviction, emotionally, i feel like a mess right now. i hate to admit it, but i'm scared about flying overseas by myself for the first time. i have this horrid image of me getting mugged and losing all my important documents at the airport running through my head over and over again. i'm worried that something will happen at home while i'm away. i'm freaked out that i won't be ready for the daniel project meetings that'll start the week after i get back from cape town. i'm wondering if the pair of jeans i picked out to wear while traveling will be too uncomfortable. or how oily my skin will get and how icky i'll feel after 28 hours of traveling.

so as i swing back and forth between holy convictions and petty worries, i hold on to the gently-whispered promise that things will be OK. starting next week, cape town is exactly where He wants me to be for two weeks...things will be OK.

loved and remembered

it's been a little over five months since i moved back home, and a little under two weeks since i turned 24. my biggest fear of moving back to phx was the possibility of being left behind and forgotten. i was afraid that i would end up a social hermit and live off of my mom's food while the rest of my friends would move on and live out the normal life cycle, like find a job, get promoted, get married, make babies, fatten up their 401k, etc.

well, a lot of that is happening. i hardly ever leave home and everyday my mom does her best to fatten me up. everyday i see a fb newsfeed full of job complaint updates, relationship status changes, and countless pictures of cute, chubby babies. i have yet to read a status update on someone's 401k, but i suppose that's understandable.

yet it's funny, because i don't feel left behind or forgotten. gmail has been a wonderful tool in keeping touch with friends dear and far, and not having an easily accessible community of friends has created space for me to get to know and love my family more. through painful moments of learning patience and humility while dealing with my family, i'm learning that job relocation isn't the only reason that's worthy of a cross-country move. the best part is that despite being unemployed and totally clueless as to where i'll be a year or even six months from now, God has reminded me continually that He hasn't forgotten about me. He's provided financially and has created fantastic opportunities for me to meet and collaborate with some really wonderful people. He remembers me...and that makes being an unemployed college grad in her mid-twenties feel sooo much better.

on a somewhat unrelated note, here are a couple more reasons why entering my mid-twenties wasn't so bad.

i started using handmade cards this year, and worked on some birthday and thank you cards with my brothers a couple months ago. so they decided to make me handmade cards for my bday.

this is baby bro joseph's work. he didn't have any money to get me a gift so he decided to make "couponz" for free shoulder massages. :) :) :)

isaac decided to make me a flower along with the card. apparently this flower was his fourth try- he made sure to tell me on the other side of the card how hard it was to make it (that's isaac for you!). he also sprayed the flower with my mom's perfume...really, where else can you get a flower that smells like versace? priceless, i tell you.