afterthoughts on a black (gray?) saturday purchase

after participating in la urban project the summer after my freshman year, i boycotted wal-mart for a good year and half. i wanted nothing to do with such unfairly paying, monstrous conglomerate. instead i shopped at target. but after a while, the indignant advocate in me subsided and succumbed to convenience and cost efficiency. after all, i was a starving (not really) college student. same thing with budgeting. living simply was one of the major themes at laup. i was humbled and inspired how various folks i met that summer chose to live simply yet generously, how they chose to use their privilege and voice to serve in economically and often socially and spiritually starving neighborhoods. i was determined to not be a 'cow of bashan' (amos 4:1). but that once strong and genuine conviction also faded after a while and turned to something i told myself i would come back to 'after i make enough.'

today i bought a pair of jeans. a $36 pair for $15.99; more than 50% off! after i made my purchase i came home and organized my pants drawer to make space for my newest addition. as i was folding and organizing, i counted six pairs of jeans that i already owned. two pairs of "work" jeans, my "fat" jeans, a pair of light wash flares, old skinny jeans that's no longer skinny on me since losing about 5 lbs., and my so-called "regular" pair for the lack of a better name. this isn't counting the purple pair i got last month (an attempt to funky-fy my rather boring wardrobe) and the pair i donated to savers recently. now, i'm sure that there are many, many others who own way more pairs of jeans than i do. besides, i "needed" a pair of skinny jeans to wear with my boots. and i pretty much live in my jeans (not used to wearing trousers yet). in my final attempt to justify this purchase, i told myself that this will be part of my onsite wardrobe at u09 (see nov 24th entry).

yet, i couldn't help but feel a slight tinge of guilt as i slipped into my 7th pair of jeans. as there may be many others who own much bigger wardrobes than mine, i'm also aware that there are millions more who own maybe one pair of pants, maybe none at all. my wardrobe would be a luxury that they can't even fathom, much less obtain during their lifetime.

so what do i do with this stark truth? what do i do in the face of statistics such as:

• throughout the developing world, four out of five of the 150 million people who are blind don't need to be
• $10 will give a child clean water for life

what are the correct posture and response to such realities? i wish someone, maybe God, would just tell me how to spend my money. it would be nice if He set a budget and all that was required of me was to keep it. but that's not how God works, so i suppose part of being a faithful steward means making wise decisions out of the my heart's desire. and...i have yet to figure out my heart's desire(s). how far am i supposed to (or called to) go in living simply? what does it even mean to "live simply" for me? i have yet to learn the balance between living simply/giving generously and fully enjoying His provisions.

Father, help me to learn how to enjoy Your gracious provisions and take after Your heart of abundant generosity.

i pray this as i'm sitting in my butt-flattering, dark-wash skinny jeans.

ing- i'm trying to update more often! it also helps that i had two days off this week. :)